“life will be better in spring”

January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 January 2012 February 2012 July 2012 September 2012 December 2012 June 2013

i'm looking at my msn contacts
and i see that he's online
but i blocked him
cos i din want to talk to him
then this thought came to me
i'm just being a coward
always running away from my problems
but once biten, twice shy u could say?
i dont want to have history repeat itself again
the things that were said, thrown to me
i cringe at that thought
however, i really do think i'm always at fault
ultimately, the blame still lies on me
who am i to end things?
i'm just a nobody
but i keep going around,
breaking other people's heart
and covering the fact that i'm hurt too
but all that doesnt matter
cos i'm still playing the bad role
and who cares about ur feelings if u are a bad person?
no one.
no one does ask about how u feel and such

the question of will u forgive me for what i've done runs through my head
and everytime there's a convo about relationships,
i think about u and me
and it hurts
cos i think i hurt u. and the guilt just doesnt go away
i promised myself to not emo
but i cant help
everytime i hear a song that describes us
i just hurt inside
and the worst part, i cant seem to cry
i cant let it all out with tears
so it just builds up inside me
its not fun! and i deserve all this
for making u feel guilty, hurting u and letting it come to this
i'm a sinner aint i?
ha ha ha
and thus the sinner must learn to live with this guilt
will it eat me up?
i dont know
i hope it does
so i can just end it all at one shot
the overwhelming sense of guilt and the torment that it brings..